Like Water

I wrote this draft in January of 2025. Now, in March of 2026, my husband remains cancer-free after a successful surgery during which I knitted, of course - but I don't remember the project.

New Diagnosis

Last week my husband got the results of the biopsy he underwent on our 41st wedding anniversary (what a way to celebrate!). He has prostate cancer which, while not off-the-charts scary, looks to be more aggressive than would be ideal. The surgeon told us it was “not low-risk, but it is curable” with surgery to remove his prostate.

In addition to the surgeon’s assessment, there are some other factors that point to the best possible outcome: his father had prostate cancer and it did not kill him. Two of his brothers-in-law were diagnosed with prostate cancer several years ago; both are doing well.

Coping

My husband is the most pragmatic person I’ve ever met, and he appears to be doing fine. I don’t think he’s in denial; he truly is just trucking on. I know this because in general, he shares his deepest concerns with me. To date, those concerns have been the indignity of the procedures that led to the diagnosis.

I’m doing my best (imperfect as that is) to support him and to take on most of the logistical burden as we navigate appointments, with surgery at the end of the month. In an effort to smooth a complicated recovery process, I’ve ordered supplies that will help keep him comfortable. As he has also been newly diagnosed with an unrelated chronic condition, which requires its own set of appointments and adjustments, I’m mostly managing all of that, with his permission.

But, nothing - not even cancer - happens in a vacuum. I’m still irritated when he slurps his coffee. I sigh significantly and rewind when he talks over the most crucial dialogue in the movie. I still ask him to run errands when I just don’t feel like doing them myself. We haven’t stopped arguing about politics and the validity of his shady sources. And, I’m still aware that I’m not easy to live with sometimes.

Photo by Tirza van Dijk on Unsplash

What else would I expect, really? This is what normal looks like for us and our marriage, and life events that enter this marriage must, necessarily take the shape of our marriage - like water in a vase.